Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (3½ Stars)

Johnnie Rico, hero from the first movie, returns to the battlefront in an attempt to win a fight against not only more bugs, but alien infiltration at the Federation’s highest ranks.

The special effects, combat, and dialogue are all in par with the rest of the series, which is good. This doesn’t feel like a watered down version of the first film, which was unfortunately the case with Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation.

Further than just cool space action and special effects, Starship Troopers 3: Marauder brings back the satirical essence of the original, this time focusing its sardonic humor on religion.

Well worth watching. Heck, I’d even recommend making a day of it and watching all three if you haven’t already. You know, if there’s nothing (or no one) better to do. It’s good sci-fi. 3½ stars

Big Trouble in Little China (3½ Stars)

Jack Burton, a tough-talking, soft-hearted trucker gets pulled into a conflict with ancient Chinese mystical forces led by an ancient demigod known as Lo Pan.

I simply loved the main character. He’s like Indiana Jones without the education, and he talks like John Wayne. He offers his hand at combat, even though he’s not much of a fighter. That’s what so lovable about Jack Burton. He’s arrogant and a screw-up, but he’s a nice guy and he wants to help his friends, even though he doesn’t really know how. Luckily, he’s got a few friends at his side who know how to kick-ass, Ancient Chinese Mystic style.

Campy, ridiculous, and fun – 3½ stars

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (3½ Stars)

Several weeks after their last adventure to eat copious amounts of mini-burgers, this odd couple boards their flight to Amsterdam. But when Kumar’s makeshift bong is mistaken for a bomb, Harold and Kumar are sent to Guantanamo Bay, from which they immediately escape and go on yet another wild adventure, where they meet up with an old friend (Neil Patrick Harris, as a himself, albeit a sexaholic, dope-fiend version of himself, but lovable nonetheless), meet a cyclops, crash a KKK cross burning, and even smoke a dube with the president.

There’s not much else I can say about this movie, for or against it. It’s got a decent cast, with some decent, albeit lewd and somewhat racist humor. It is in par with Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, so see that first, and if you enjoy it, see this one too. 3½ stars

The Love Guru (4½ Stars)

When the Toronto Maple Leafs’ star hockey player Darren Roanoke loses his girlfriend to the French Canadian Goalie on the opposing team, their owner, Jane Bullard seeks out The Love Guru to see if he can get Roanoke and his girlfriend back together so her team can finally win the Stanley Cup, which they haven’t won in 40 years.

This is with a doubt, one of the funniest, tightest comedies of the summer. It is clear that Mike Myers and Graham Gordy put a lot of time into the script to make sure the jokes and timing were just right.

Many critics have been giving this movie a hard time, and it isn’t clear to me why, because this is very much in the same line of comedy as the Wayne’s World and Austin Powers movies. In fact, I would say it’s even better, in terms of its comedic timing, and overall originality. The film is filled to the brim with jokes – the film is almost literally exploding with humor, and if you’re Canadian, it’s even funnier. Great cast, too. Particularly enjoyable are Guru Pitka’s repartees with Ben Kingsley as the guru Tugginmypudha, and Verne Troyer (you know, that little guy from the Austin Powers movies), as Leafs Coach Punch Cherkov.

Anyway, my hat’s off to you Mike, for this excellent comedy. I laughed my ass off. My one criticism is that it was too short. (That’s what she said!) But then again, it’s not the length of your movie that matters, it’s the noises you get your audience to make with it.

Oh, and to all you no-talent hacks out there who couldn’t make it as filmmakers, so now you crap all over comedians deserving of actual careers, a message:

Stop

Undermining

Comedy

Kings!

Be

Aloof!

Laugh!

Lastly,

Shut-up!

Hairspray (4½ Stars)

In Baltimore, 1962, Tracy Turnblad A short and plump high-school girl who dreams of being a dancer on a popular song and dance show, the Corny Collins show, gets her chance when another dancer on the show rather indiscreet 9-month leave of absence. But when her dream comes true, she realizes that it’s about more than just her chance, and she joins in a revolution to get white people and black people dancing together on television.

To be honest, I haven’t seen the original 1988 version, but I was quite impressed by this one, particularly by the performance of Nikki Blonsky as the adorable, plump, and ever-positive star of the film. She seems to have literally come out of nowhere, to star in her first film, and a musical at that, and wow, can she ever dance! Christopher Walken as the practical-joker-dad, and John Travolta as the shy and reclusive mom are also very entertaining, and Elijah Kelley had some pretty sweet moves. And of course, Michelle Pfeiffer was excellent as the despicable, racist, will-do-anything-to-win villain. The songs are clever, and humorous, and the dance numbers are really well choreographed and rehearsed.

I would recommend this to everyone, but especially to overweight girls who feel inferior to all the twiggy Barbie-doll clones out there. This might inspire you. Come and see Nikki Blonsky and Queen Latifah blow those skinny bitches out of the water. Brilliant musical – 4½ Stars

The Happening (3½ Stars)

When all people in densely populated areas begin inexplicably committing suicide, a high school science teacher, tries to take his family as far from civilization as he can.

One might also refer to this movie as “stuff happening” because even at the end of the film, many of the events of the film remain unexplained, unless you consider the conjecture of various minor, and somewhat loopy characters to amount to a hogwash explanation. It’s like M. Night Shyamalan decided he wanted to do an experiment in existentialism. Or maybe he wanted it to amount to that cheeseball speech at the end of the film, as if he wanted to pretend to give a shit about the environment.

Still, as stupid as the movie gets at times, it has it’s touching moments, and I wouldn’t say it’s boring. Well, some of the dialogue is actually pretty clunky. I’d say this film is deserving of an average mark. It’s pretty bad for a Shyamalan movie though, and actually, it’s a lot like signs, minus the setups and twists. 3½ stars

The TV Set (4 Stars)

Mike Klein, a Hollywood screenwriter, is commissioned to write a pilot for a dark sitcom based on the death of his brother. The problem is that the higher-ups have a different vision, and they want to know what his masterpiece would be like “if the brother didn’t have to die,” despite that being the premise of the whole series.

This is a brilliant allegory of the crap that happens in Hollywood, (which I say, having actually worked on several sets myself), and the comedic timing is brilliant. The film contains every classic difficult personality type that you meet on the set. There’s the director, who likes to come up with ridiculous shots that look strange, and alienate the story, but of course, the director thinks he’s being artistic and clever. There’s the cinematographer, who complains about how hard it is to set up each shot, and tends to take twice as long as he needs to, ‘cause hey, he’s unionized. Then of course, there’s the actor who believes he’s getting into the moment, can never remember how he did a scene the previous time, and ad-libs in weird accents, and then denies it.

This film would be entertaining to everyone, but doubly so for writers, other industry workers, and anybody else who likes a sardonic view of the inner-working of Hollywood. 4 stars

Iron Man (4½ Stars)

Tony Stark, (or should say Tony Snark because of his snarky smart mouth), is a care-free, womanizing playboy, until he’s captured by terrorists and put to work on building them weapons of mass destruction. Tony is smart though, and builds his own weapon to destroy them and escape, and a new form of superhero is born.

The special effects are awesome, and there’s never a dull moment in this excellent rendition of one of the greatest Marvel superheroes. The film also handles its theme very well – the theme of embracing the important things in life – much better than the theme tends to be handled in most comic book based films. The dialogue from Tony Stark is great, no question. He’s sharp, entertaining, ironic, and a total jerk, but one with a heart. The best kind of hero, really.

Iron Man stands far above the rest, and I’m hoping they make more movies like this. 4½ stars.

Speed Racer (3 Stars)

Based on the classic manga/cartoon series, Speed Racer always wanted to race, and now he’s living his dream. In his Mach 5, he races his way through perilous race tracks to defend the honor of his family, defeat evil conglomerates and an organized crime syndicate, and to win. He is assisted by fellow racers Racer X, Trixie and Taejo Togokahn and supported by the rest of his family.

This movie has problems, which it pains me to say, because it was a very ambitious and elaborate attempt at reenacting an old cartoon series, and trying not to update it in any way. So as psychedelic and high-tech as it is, the film still feels old fashioned, in the speech patterns of the characters, the gender roles of the characters, and the technology. This is a stylistic choice, and I don’t think this is a problem per se. However, the film has some major plot problems, including orphans, (which is to say, payoffs in the story line without any set-up – Trixie’s sudden mad driving skills is an example of this), a plot which is generally incomprehensible and doesn’t really make sense, also the plot moves rather slowly, and the on-the-nose dialogue leaves a lot to be desired, and the film simply has too many extraneous characters. I realize the little fat kid and the monkey were kept not only for the sake of completion and authenticity, but also as comic relief, but really, they come off as more embarrassing and stupid than funny. The whole film is silly, and unfortunately, not always in a funny way. And somehow, everybody knows kung-fu, which is fine, again, because it is with the realization that the film is silly, and the choreography is good.

The visuals are also great – they’re actually quite surreal, though there’s a caveat – this film comes dangerously close to epileptic seizure territory. I jokingly faked one next to my sister while we were in the theater. Yeah, I’m jerk. 3 stars

21 (4 Stars)

Ben Campbell, a 21-year-old student with a 97% average, and as you might imagine, no life, gets recruited by a team of hustling card-counters led by their calculating, manipulative, vindictive university professor. Together, they play the Las Vegas casinos for millions at America’s most popular card game (before the Texas Hold ‘em craze presumably), 21.

You know, in pacing, style, characters, theme, and overall mood, and even plot structure, I found this movie to be a lot like The Girl Next Door. It’s almost like the two movies are cut from the same mould. All you need to do is substitute porn with gambling, replace Elisha Cuthbert with Kate Bosworth as the hot trophy girl, replace Timothy Olyphant with Kevin Spacey as the charming but psychopathically self-serving antagonist, replace Chris Marquette and Paul Dano with Josh Gad and Sam Golzari as the two unpopular, but true friends, and replace James Remar with Laurence Fishburne as the intervening, powerful character. Presto! You’ve got a whole new movie with the exact same formula – not that this is necessarily a complaint for I am actually very fond of the plot structure used in The Girl Next Door, and that doesn’t mean 21 can’t still be an original story. But Elisha Cuthbert is undeniably hotter. At least for me. (Swoon!)

Well worth watching: 4 stars

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (4 Stars)

The KGB are after a crystal skull which seems to grant psychic abilities to its user. Indiana Jones is in a race against them for the skull before they can use it to control the world, in an adventure that will take him to the lost city of El Dorado and reunite him with his long lost, but greatest love, Marion Ravenwood, and it seems she has a little surprise for him.

It’s about friggin’ time they made another Indiana Jones movie! Why did George Lucas wait this long? Look at what has become of our beloved archeological hero! He’s practically a fossil now himself!

Actually, I quite like the idea of giving Indiana Jones an adventure much later in life, and frankly, I think this was the old-timer’s most action packed adventure yet, complete with Indy being the sole survivor of a nuclear blast! How cool is that? Though, for an educated man, I’m disgusted that he says “nukular.” Come on, Indy! You’re a PhD, for Mayan’s sake, and you can’t say nuclear!

There’s still time, George! There’s still time! Please make another Indiana Jones movie! Please, please, please!

As excited as I am about this long-awaited epic, realistically, I don’t think I can give it higher than a 4. It’s maybe as good as its predecessors, maybe a little better. The action is top-notch, and the banter between the main characters is a combination of sweet and humorous.

The Bank Job (3½ Stars)

In the 1970s, a group of small time outlaws find are given the opportunity to full the biggest heist of a lifetime, and one that involves no guns. What they don’t realize is that they’re unwittingly working for MI5 (or is it MI6? I can never keep them straight, and neither can the folks in this film), and they wind up caught in a crossfire between the law, and major criminal organizations, in one of the biggest police corruption takedowns in British history.

Jason Statham is awesome as the leading man, as usual. The action, pacing, dialogue, acting and cinematography are all very good. I found myself feeling for several of the main characters, and there’s never a dull moment in the film. Supposedly, this is the first time the whole story was released to the public, (due to a gag order), but it contains a great deal of omissions and fictional additions, as is the nature of the movie biz. Honestly, the truth usually takes longer has considerably less sex in it.

Anyway, I wouldn’t say this movie is fantastically original, but is a very good view, and a well written film, worthy of my respect and deserving of at least an average mark. If you like true crime movie or heist movies, you’ll love this.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (4 Stars)

When Peter Brettel’s TV superstar girlfriend, Sarah Marshall, dumps him, all he can do is obsess, so he decides he needs a vacation. Unfortunately, due to his lack of imagination, he chooses to go the resort she had always talked about, and lo and behold, there she is, with her new rock star boyfriend.

The film is hilarious, and comes complete with an adorable subplot involving the main character’s pet project – a musical puppet show involving Dracula and Van Helsing.

I think this is one of the tightest romantic comedies of the year, and what I personally admire about this film is that even though, structurally speaking, Sarah Marshall is the antagonist, there are no real villains in the film. In a very touching speech by Sarah Marshall during the film (which she performed brilliantly), we see that he is own antagonist, as is she hers. This speech, which I won’t get into, because I think you should all see the film, struck a chord with me. All the characters in this film, much like most of us in life, are all prisoners to trappings which are largely our own. I liked that. I liked that the film didn’t villainize her, even though, and again, I won’t get into it, she does some really horrible shit to our hero.

I know, I know, I keep giving out 4 stars to movies, and this is just a romantic comedy, but I think it’s the best damn romantic comedy of the year, because though its marketed as a comedy, it functions at more levels than that. Honestly, it’s worth seeing for the cute little puppet show alone.

The Darwin Awards (3½ Stars)

Michael Burrows, a hemophobic criminal profiler loses his job when his disability allows a serial killer to escape his grasp. So he takes his top-notch skills to an insurance company, where he claims he can profile high-risk people who cost the company millions of dollars a year. He is put into a probationary role with a partner investigating a series of bizarre insurance claims.

This is a hysterically funny film, which stems from a relatively simple premise. The film takes the best stories from the Darwin Awards and incorporates them into the plot, including an army surplus rocket powered car, a lawyer throwing himself through his own window, and a pair of stoned metal-heads crashing a Metallica concert. Literally. It’s like the X-files, but with insurance claims. I think that’s the easiest way to summarize it. That being said, this movie isn’t necessarily terribly clever, or original, but it is a decisively funny combination of elements that haven’t been mixed before.

The Proposition (4 Stars)

A police captain who desperately wants to track down a ruthless killer offers a proposition to the killer’s outlaw brother. The deal is, that if he tracks down and turns in his eldest brother, a feared murderer and rapist living with a band of outlaws in a cave, he and their youngest brother will receive full pardons.

The Proposition is very much a period piece, with an almost hypnotic soundtrack, focusing on the struggle and sheer hopelessness of taming 19^th century Australia, with vicious, murderous psychopaths living out in the shadows of the wilderness, far beyond the capacities of the meager means of law men of the time to intercept them.

While I was watching this film, I was unsure for awhile as to whether it was about werewolves, or whether the werewolf was merely a metaphor used by some of the characters.

Ray Winstone and Emily Watson have great chemistry together in this film, and their marriage is one of the only beautiful things in what is otherwise a wasteland of cruelty and desperation. John Hurt plays a small, but fantastic role as a bounty hunter, and Richard Wilson, playing the youngest of the three brothers, gives and excellent performance.

Smart People (3 Stars)

Professor Wetherhold has spent his life ridiculing his students and dangling his obscure knowledge, which he mistakes for intellect above them, rather than doing his job and actually teaching them. Years later, he tries to date a doctor, who had earlier dropped out of his class, after he crapped all over her paper. His son hates him, and his daughter seems to have picked up all of his nasty, elitist, misanthropic habits. A move-in by his ne’er-do-well brother may be just the thing he needs to set things right with his family. Or maybe he just needs a good smack upside his head.

Smart People might have more accurately been called "Stupid Miserable Nerds Who Think They're Better than Other People Because of Stupid, Obscure, Arcane Words that They Know.”

Did I miss something here? I don’t even know how to classify this film. It’s not really funny enough to be a comedy, and it’s too stupid to be a drama. There’s an awkward kind of writing going on in this film – the kind of writing you tend to see in creative writing classes where students try to write characters that are more intelligent than themselves. One of the basic tenets of writing is to write what you know, and I got the distinct impression that the writer didn’t really understand his own material.

Not a ...(read more) terrific movie, but not terrible either. It’s a little awkward, but the story is fine, and the acting is good. The story isn’t very clever or original, so I was a bit disappointed, but then again, what the heck was I expecting? Apparently more. You know what I was expecting? Wit. The title and marketing of the film, and particularly having intellectuals as the main characters, particularly in a comedy, would suggest the film would have wit, which the film sorely lacks. 3 stars

WALL•E (4½ Stars)

In the year 2800, Earth is a desolate wasteland, completely incapable of sustaining life. Even the robots have broken down and died, with the exception of one lone garbage compacting robot named WALL•E. When a reconnaissance ship drops off an exotic robot with a mysterious directive, WALL•E is drawn into a strange intergalactic setting where the fate and future of the entire world lie in his robot hands.

This is a very cute story with a rather poignant and heavy-handed ecological message. The fate of humans in this particular dystopic depiction is bleak, and frankly, a little disgusting, turning us all into lazy endomorphs who can’t even get up off the ground, and never look away from our computer screens. Somehow, they still manage to make all the human characters cute and charming. The story is a little tragic, but beautiful, and quite funny in parts. The visuals, music and voice are fantastic. 4½ stars

Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple (4 Stars)

In the 1960s and 70s, a charismatic, evangelical, visionary preacher named Jim Jones built a huge interracial following, people who wanted to live together in harmony and free of prejudice, and founded a community in Guyana for them all to live in autonomy and peace, called Jonestown. In 1978, he forced them all (909 of them) into the largest mass suicide in almost 2000 years.

The pacing of this documentary is excellent; it gives you a feel of the mounting pressure on all the temple members as the final days approached. You get a sense of Jones’ gradual descent into madness, and his ruthless and psychotic, if not ingenious control he had over the lives of all these people. Those who saw the signs early enough, lived to tell the story, and the few survivors of the massacre give their account of it as well, having the experience of holding a dying person in their arms, and knowing they’re next. Very powerful stuff.

The film isn’t just interviews either. The filmmakers actually got their hands on a lot of archive footage as well. This isn’t for the faint of heart, but definitely worth watching once, for its lesson in what happens when you let one man take too much control of your life.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (3½ stars)

In a time long forgotten, a goblin smith built an army of indestructible golden soldiers to help the elves defeat the humans. The elf king saw how ruthless and evil this power was, so he had it divided into three pieces. Now the prince wants to reassemble them, to rid the world of humans once and for all.

I have mixed feeling about this movie. On one hand, the golden army itself is extremely cool, and I love the introduction of Johann Krauss. He’s easily my favorite character, and a great addition to the cast of what will hopefully be a thriving series of films. I particularly enjoyed the locker scene where he and Hellboy duke it out to see who can take who. The film also has a number of humorous moments, including a cute scene where Hellboy and Abe Sapien get really drunk. On the other, I felt the script had a few problems.

First of all, the dialogue was a little too on-the-nose, even for a comic book movie. I get the sense that this was, in part, due to the vast amount of story they were trying to cram into the space of a two hour movie.

Second, the story had some problems, which, as a story teller myself, I simply cannot let slide. Warning: skip the rest of this paragraph if you haven’t seen the film and do no want the plot spoiled from you. Still here? Okay… When the prince throws the little jellybean creature, they all just stand there and wait for it to find water and turn into a tree elemental. Why doesn’t Hellboy just stomp on it? If the crown that controls the golden army can only be used if the ruler is unchallenged, why doesn’t his sister just challenge him? That way, neither of them has to die, because they can’t kill one another. It’d be a stalemante. Then she wouldn’t have to die. And Jesus Christ, how did Lizzie know that when she melted the crown that the golden army wouldn’t simply run rampant and destroy the world? That could easily be handled by a simple establishing line earlier in the film. And for the love of God, if she could melt it down at the end of the film, why didn’t she just demolish it when she first met the princess? The princess clearly didn’t want the crown getting completed either. They could’ve done it together, as a sort of female bonding thing, and then maybe go on a double date with Hellboy and Abe. These are the sorts of obvious outs that, when ignored, I find a little frustrating, but I digress.

There was one scene in this movie that was so touching, that I actually caught one of my female friends crying in the theater. If you’re reading this, you know who you are.

Overall I’d say it’s still worth watching, whether you’re a fan of the comic, or just looking for a good family-friendly action movie.

3½ stars

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (4 stars)

The rift between universes, that was opened by the events in the first movie, reveals a charming tentacle creature, Yivo, who begins systematically taking control of all life in the universe.

This one didn’t have as gripping a story as the first movie, but I’d say the quality of the story and comedy are in par with the TV series, which is top-notch anyway.

Particularly cool concepts introduced in this installment of the series are a sport called Deathball, the League of Robots and a special guest appearance by Stephen Hawking, or at least his head.

Futurama: Bender’s Big Score (4½ stars)

A group of disgusting internet scammers take control of Planet Express. When the key to time travel is discovered in an extremely unlikely, and somewhat humiliating place, the scammers use it to take over the world. Fry uses the time code to escape through time and find a way to stop the scammers.

A great parody of a number of great time travel films including the Terminator, but also a terrific story in its own right. I particularly love the concept of self-correcting, paradox-free time travel.

I think this is a stellar start to what will hopefully be a 4 brilliant, full-length epic movie adventures starring all our favorite characters from the hit TV series. 4½ stars

Journey to the Center of the Earth (4½ Stars)

Ten years after Professor Trevor Anderson’s brother disappeared, his lab is about to be shut down, meaning his and his brother’s life’s work would be in vain. When Trevor’s nephew, Sean, comes to visit with a few of his father’s old things, the two of them discover the missing piece to his work, and it leads them into an exotic underworld filled with dinosaurs, floating magnetic rocks, underground oceans, glowing birds, and an attractive and charming Icelandic guide named Hannah.

This is the first digital 3D movie ever, and what better story to tell than Jules Verne’s classic tale, Journey to the Center of the Earth? The film is masterfully done. The story is thrilling, the characters are lovable, the acting and writing are top-notch, and the story as a whole is a great modern revamp of an old classic. If you get a chance, see this in 3D. The cinematography and scenery, which is already spectacular, will simply blow you away.

I’m giving this film 4½ stars for its overall excellence.

Wanted (4½ stars)

Wesley Gibson, probably the most insignificant person on the planet, has a job he hates, a petty boss, a noisy, crappy little apartment by the railway, and “best friend” who’s fucking his girlfriend, and he’s too angst-ridden and apathetic to do anything about it. This all changes when assassins show up and begin fighting over him. He then undergoes a transformation into a highly skilled assassin, including skills such as slowing down time and bending bullets. Based on the comic book series of the same name.

When I went to see this movie, I didn’t expect much. I expected to see some decent action scenes, but what I got was a compelling story, a witty main character, and some fantastic action sequences. I believe my friend put it best when he said the film was filled with “inexplicable awesomeness,” much like Timur Bekmambetov’s predecessor films, Night Watch and Day Watch, which are in Russian, but if you get the chance, I strongly recommend those as well. They are the perfect balance of action, comedy and ridiculousness.

Most of the things in this movie are, of course, completely impossible. A human being cannot jump 100 meters through the air, from one building to another, I don’t care how much of a running start he gets. You can’t bend bullets, and you particularly cannot do a particular shot Angelina Jolie takes toward the end of the movie. I won’t say what she does, but it blows my mind. It’s awesome, and impossible. But that’s what you see these movies for. If you’re one of those people who complains about realism, go join the army and drag your ass to Iraq. Real violence isn’t fun.

4½ stars – because I have the urge to watch it again. For me, this is very rare with an action film.

Son of Rambow

In the 1980s, two fatherless boys, one a relentless troublemaker who pirates movies, and the other an artistic basketcase who’s been repressed by a harsh Christian denomination, become friends, against all odds, and decide to make their own epic action film, about a boy rescuing his father from an evil scarecrow.

Son of Rambow is extraordinarily imaginative, yet the story is simple enough. The main character, Will Proudfoot keeps a flipbook diary, with a number of cute animations and illustrations which come together throughout the film. Will’s imagination comes to life in the form of animation blended into the scenes of the movie, which I found very effective – it puts the audience into the inventive state of mind Will is experiencing, and should feel familiar to all creative people who’ve ever been a messed-up kid. I certainly have.

The performances of the main two children, (Will and Lee), are excellent. These children are extraordinarily talented, and they exhibited none of the awkwardness you usually get from child performers.

This is one of those movies that’ll make you laugh and cry, all while making a few jabs at organized religion. 4 Stars

Baby Mama

Kate Holbrook, a 37-year-old vice president of a powerful company wants to finally have a baby, but must depend on a surrogate, because of her misshapen uterus. Her surrogate, Angie Ostrowiski, turns out to be her exact opposite, and hilarity ensues.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are excellent together.

This film is quite funny, but not particularly memorable, as it’s fairly formulaic. However, each of the two main characters has a funny man in their lives who is completely off-the-wall, and thus a little more memorable, played by Steve Martin and Dax Shepard. 3½ Stars

10 Dorky Films I Can’t Wait to See

Okay, so for today’s entry, something nice and easy. There a great number of films coming out that are all going to be really bad. But guess what? I’m going to enjoy them anyway, unless the scripts are really so bad that I find myself asking the question, “Why do those guys get to be paid two hundred grand to write this. I could write better. Where’ my obscene amount of money for a month or so of real work?”

1. G.I. Joe – Part of the problem with G.I. Joe is they’ve got almost as many villains as heroes, which would be so problematic if it weren’t for the ridiculous amount of heroes they have. The same could be said of the X-Men movies and the like, or say, Street Fighter (1994), which didn’t even make any sense, because they (and by “they,” I mean that hack Steven E. de Souza), spent far too much energy making sure they layered in as many characters as possible, plot be damned.
2. Death Race – Sad as it is to admit, if I find out Jason Statham’s in something, I automatically want to see it. I think he’s the epitome of cool. This can backfire of course, with titles like War, a film which is an offense to every aspect of cinema. (You can read more about why I hate that particular film in my Film Review Blog. Recently, my good friend Ema introduced me to the original Death Race 2000, (which I also reviewed in my blog), and I’m very excited to see how they do the remake. From what I’ve read, it already sounds like they’ve worked out a much better plot and protagonist, but maintained the essence of the story and theme from the original.
3. Tropic Thunder – Now here’s a thought. A parody of the war movie. I’ve wanted to see one for a long time, I just didn’t realize it. Particularly noteworthy is the fact that one of the main characters is in blackface, something no real movie has dared to try in some thirty or forty years. Unless you count White Chicks. And I do. So never mind.
4. Arrested Development – This was an awesome show while it lasted, and I’m keen to see how nicely they can tie the whole thing up in one final shebang.
5. Noah's Ark: The New Beginning – Who doesn’t love a good parody of a classic bible story?
6. The Brazilian Job – Despite the fact that this is a sequel to a remake of a film that was fairly unintelligent to begin with, and despite its unfortunate name, I can’t wait to see the BJ. The dynamic between the characters in The Italian Job, particularly Handsome Rob and Lyle (the Napster) was enough to get me hooked on the sequel. Actually, as stated earlier, Statham’s presence is enough.
7. Crank 2: High Voltage – Okay, this is the last Statham movie I’m going to list, I swear. But here’s what I love about Crank – You’ve got a hero who, not only should be dead by the end of the first film, but you wonder how he’s alive at all, because Chev Chelios has to be one of the dumbest protagonists ever to grace the screen, which is very difficult to do with a character, and still have him be this likable.
8. Iron Man – ‘Nuff said.
9. Get Smart – How many of you remember watching this as a kid? I used to watch it all the time in the 80’s, when I was clearly not old enough to understand a fair amount of the humor, but I enjoyed it for its slapstick elements, silly plots, and cleaver wordplays anyway. Another thing I enjoyed about the show is that it was one my dad had watched when he was a child, so it all came full circle, and we both had a show we loved to talk about. Of course, we also had the Disney cartoons. And Looney Tunes. You get the idea. Fun shows are always more fun when shared.
10. The Dark Knight – Now, maybe it’s all a little over-hyped, but I’m keen to see the late Heath Ledger’s portrayal of The Joker, which is apparently so frightening it might send Jack Nicholson running for the hills, or the circus, or something like that. Anyway, it’s the most prolific performance of an actor’s final role in clown face before dying mysteriously since Brandon Lee. And I’m sure it won’t be the last. I wonder who’ll be next. My money’s on Jack Black. Of course, they say you should always bet on black.

Pride & Prejudice (4 stars)

Pride & Prejudice brings Jane Austin’s legendary romance novel to life.

Elizabeth is one of five daughters of a pig farmer who are of marrying age. When the matchmaking games begin at the will of their loving but manipulative mother, she finds herself battling inequalities of class differences, social norms, and her strong feelings toward a particular gentleman (Mr. Darcy) who has been systematically ruining the lives of her friends and family.

The casting, acting, cinematography, music, editing and directing are all top-notch. I was quite impressed. Even though my expectations of the film were already high, it being one of those films where a canon novel combined with an all-star cast automatically assumes it is high art.

As usual, probably because of its status as an adaptation, parts of the story fall a wee bit short of believability. I did not feel the relationship between Elizabeth and Darcy was given sufficient screen time, and thus their developing feelings for one another felt a little rushed.

Particular favorites of mine, in terms of overall excellence of their performance, (though they were indeed all good – there was no weak link in this cast), were Donald Sutherland as Elizabeth’s ever-loyal father, Rosamund Pike as Elizabeth’s eldest (and closest) sister, and Judi Dench as the elegant, intolerable and intimidating Lady Catherine de Bourg.

4 stars

Decoys 2: Alien Seduction (3 Stars)

I’ve gotta hand it to you, Mr. Tom Berry. You brought the world one of the worst, most derived pieces of trash I’ve ever seen with Decoys. I mean, it’s worse than the films in the same genre made 40 years earlier, like Blood Feast, which was bad then, and worse now. And then you make a movie like Decoys 2: Alien Seduction and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!

Luke Callahan (Corey Sevier) returns to the cast of characters, including a group of college guys whose mating/dating competition has turned into a deadly game of survival against hot alien babes who can read their minds, become their ultimate fantasy, and impregnate them with their spores. Constance (Kim Poirier), (who is HOT STUFF to be sure), is also back as the alien queen.

The film makes sense. It has a fun cast. The dialogue is fine. The film even got a few genuine laughs from me. The plot isn’t riddled with widows and orphans, and while the movie is still really stupid, it knows it, and plays out in a way that is funny and enjoyable to watch.

After watching this movie, I almost want to take back everything I said about the first film. Almost. But no, it’s still really bad. As much as I hate to say it, eliminating Matt Hastings from the second project was a winning choice. Don’t get me wrong. This movie isn’t brilliant, and it’s certainly nothing personal, but Decoys 2 is not only entertaining the whole way through, but it almost enriches the first film. Almost.

It’s always exciting for me when bad movies are actually good. It makes me eager to see what the next installment is. How about Decoys 3: Alien Orgy! 3 Stars

Death Race 2000 (3½ Stars)

Before The Cannonball Run, before The Running Man, before Death Rally, there was Death Race 2000.

25 years in the dystopic future, the United Provinces of North America have become a repressive regime, where the only fun people have anymore is a race where their favorite “heroes” run down pedestrians in a deadly cross-country race.

The film hilariously parodies all the other really trashy low budget films of its time, with an accordingly clichéd plot and cast of characters. You’ve got a hero for whom winning is everything, and he’s a veteran killer, but for him, taking life never became easy. You’ve got a brutal rival that beats his girlfriend/navigator, puts her down with hilarious one-liners, and is willing to take out his own crew for a couple of points. You’ve got a sassy rivalry between two female racers, who’ve apparently shared the same boyfriend. And here’s what else you have to look forward to: Lots of tits, sex, fist fights, road-related deaths and explosions, including an air raid. Did I mention cool cars? It’s got sweet-ass roaring monster cars.

Obviously, this movie is campy and violent, so it’s not for everyone, but if that’s your thing, this is a great way to kill 78 minutes. 3½ stars

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (3 Stars)

Jack Black and Kyle Gass meet in Venice Beach, where together they become Tenacious D and quest to find the “pick of destiny.”

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny has a lot of cool music and funny surreal sequences. The story is campy and unoriginal, and it seems that style and shameless self-promotion are the two driving forces in this film. Gass is very awkward on the screen, and seems to be badly lacking the experience required to play such an important role. Either they should’ve got him an acting coach, or they should’ve brought in Owen Wilson, or one of their other buddies to play KG.

Forgettable, but funny – 3 Stars

Strange Wilderness (2½ Stars)

A wilderness show’s team ventures out into the Andes to find Bigfoot in the hopes that their new footage will keep their asinine program on the air.

Strange Wilderness has to be the stupidest movie I’ve seen since Decoys, but at least it’s funny. The movie knows how stupid it is, and I found myself laughing often enough.

Like Strange Brew, but in the wilderness. Or to put it another way, it’s a lot like the Office, but without the office, or smart people. This film is probably best suited to be watched by druggies and stoners. The film is stupid, but it passes as watchable. It’s funny. 2½ Stars.

I Am Sam (4½ Stars)

Sam, a mentally handicapped man with the mental capacity of a 7-year-old faces a custody battle over his 7-year-old daughter.

I Am Sam is a very sad, very beautiful and touching film, and when my sister and I watched this today, we found ourselves easily drawn into the touching, caring mind of the protagonist. Though he’s mentally retarded, the character Sam is actually hyper-sensitive to human emotion, and I found it very effective that he could point out hurt caused by others, that is perhaps not intended, the sort of hurt we tend to cause one another day by day because of desensitization and stress. Particularly to a screenwriter, Sam is in many ways the ultimate protagonist, because of unwavering moral integrity. He is morally strong, and in all other ways weak, including mentally, but you tell he’s intelligent enough to quickly get the important things.

The acting is phenomenal. Sean Penn gives a very convincing, very well-studied depiction of a man with autism. Michelle Pfeiffer is wonderful, particularly in one scene where she breaks down completely. Dakota Fanning is amazing. I’m always impressed when someone so young can act so well, when most kids are horribly awkward on camera. Laura Dern and Diane Wiest also deserve an honorable mention for their outstanding performances, as do all the mentally challenged friends. And of course the performances are really nothing without an outstanding script, so really, good work all around.

I’m really not doing this film justice by mindlessly praising it. If you haven’t seen it, see it. It’s one of the best dramas I’ve seen in a long time. 4½ Stars

Live Free or Die Hard (4 Stars)

Detective John McClane rescues a hacker from an arranged hit, and together the two of them stop an internet terrorist from destroying the US economy.

Live Free or Die Hard brings more explosions and coolers death than ever before seen in the series. In what other movie could you say you’ve seen a man knocked out of a helicopter by the spray from a car running over a fire hydrant, a helicopter being demolished by a jumping car, with a hero who’s willing to shoot through himself to kill the bad guy?

Though the plot has its share of implausibilities, the script is tight, and hey, it’s an action movie, give it a break. Bruce Willis and Justin Long have great screen chemistry together in the film too. The kidnapping in act 3 made the film feel a bit too formulaic, but to be fair. Cute ending too, and Kevin Smith has a cool little role in the film. Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Maggie Q are hot. Timothy Olyphant is Timothy Olyphant. ‘Nuff said.

Worth checking out: Higher caliber than your average action film – 4 Stars

Coyote Ugly (3½ Stars)

A young waitress from Jersey moves to the big apple to pursue her dreams of becoming a singer/songwriter. Along the way she befriends a fishmonger who helps her on her way, and winds up working the legendary dance bar the film is named after.

It’s a wonder they called it Coyote Ugly, since the bar itself is really only a small portion of the film. “Jersey Girl” would be a better title, though I guess that one’s taken.

The pacing is good, the ladies are hot, and there are some very charming moments between characters, particularly between the main character and her father, played by John Goodman. The fact that all the main character needed to get over was a little stage fright was a bit silly, and the movie wraps up a little to easily, but, it’s a feel-good movie, so that’s to be expected. See it if you want. 3½ Stars

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (2½ Stars)

This prequel reenacts the events leading to David Lynch’s popular TV series Twin Peaks. Laura Palmer, a teenage community sweetheart is haunted by visions of an evil spirit who enters her room at night, rapes her, and finally foretells of a night of torrid affairs where she will be bound, raped and possessed by the evil spirit “Bob.”

While the structure, script, and acting are all very good, viewers who are unfamiliar with the TV series will have trouble following the film, and those who’ve seen the show will be bored by it. This is the problem with prequels, particularly when the whole fun of the TV show was FBI Agent Dale Cooper’s rigorous, brilliant and suspenseful unraveling of the mystery of Laura Palmer’s murder. If you see the prequel first, it ruins the fun of the show, and if you see the show first, the prequel film is boring, despite the bondage and sex. Oh, and one of the main actresses from the TV series couldn’t return for the prequel. The replacement is so awful it’s a wonder Lynch didn’t simply write her out of the film. Cooper and fellow agent Albert Rosenfield are nothing more than cameos in the film.

Lynch is a top-notch director, in my top five for sure. It’s a shame he didn’t make this film a finale to the series rather than a half-assed prequel. Ah well, not all ideas are winners. Don’t go out of your way to see this, but it’s watchable – 2 ½ stars

Into the Wild (3½ Stars)

Based on a true story, Christopher McCandless, a slightly deranged, passionate, positive university graduate gives up his worldly possessions to journey “into the wild.” Along the way, he bonds with nomads, hippies and wage slaves alike.

Into the Wild is very much a road movie, and like many of its sixties predecessors, the story develops more by a succession of relationships, rather than by the development of one or two constant relationships throughout. Of course, such is life.

The scenery is excellent, though I found the music a bit too pseudo-nostalgic for my taste. The casting was spot on, and Emile Hirsch gives an amazing performance. The film is a bit long, but it’s worth seeing once. 3½ stars

Dan in Real Life (4 stars)

An advice columnist finds himself torn between the tension of “family first” and “true love” during a week-end family retreat, where he falls in love with his brother’s fiancée.

Excellent farce with some very funny scenes, as well as a lovable main character who clearly needs to reevaluate his understanding of parenting. Great script – 4 stars

The Breakfast Club (4½ stars)

Five high school students from five corners of the student world convene at their high school for an eight-hour Saturday detention. Each of them come to terms with their own troubles as they bond, hopefully for the better.

Wow, here’s a cool concept – a movie with five protagonists. I suppose if you really had to pick one, it’d be John Bender, but all five of them have their own unique backstory, and they all learn from each other, helping one another deal with their teen issues. (These are mostly issues imposed by their parents.)

Though each of the five students is essentially a typical high-school stereotype, (the jock, the preppy geek, the troublemaker, the beauty queen, and the weirdo – you know, the chick who never talks and eats her snot – that one. Incidentally she was my favorite character), all five of them are three dimensional characters.

I wasn’t quite satisfied with the ending; I found the film ended rather abruptly, and I wouldn’t have minded seeing Hughes explore the outcomes of the characters. Then again, there are merits to keeping an open-ended ending too. It gets people talking more.

There are some really great scenes and dialogue in this film. 4½ stars

Hot Fuzz (4½ stars)

London’s finest cop is sent to work the streets of a small town when his superiors decide his intimidating arrest record makes the rest of the precinct look bad. Paired up with the small town’s buffoon cop, he stumbles upon a sinister plot of murder and corruption, turning into the biggest and most important case of his career.

What I love so much about the films made by Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and their team is that though they make relentless fun of a genre with each film, the films are not, strictly speaking, parody. Hot Fuzz is an original story in its own right that makes fun of every aspect of the buddy cop action genre, while takings its own story seriously.

Lots of laughs, as well as over-the-top action and explosions – 4½ stars

The Ten (3 stars)

The Ten is actually ten shorter stories, one for each of the Ten Commandments. Among the stories are the second coming of Jesus Christ, a skydiving gone horribly wrong, and a naked Sunday fun day. The stories vary in their degrees of funniness.

Overall, it isn’t as funny as you'd think given the sheer number of talented comedians among the cast. Some of the segments are great; The CT scan machine segment with Liev Schreiber and Joe Lo Truglio had me in stitches, but overall the film is pretty forgettable. It’s basically as good as a night of watching Saturday Night Live, but before it started to suck.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (3½ stars)

A day in the life of the high school slacker. Ferris sets up a complicated scheme to blow the day off school and takes his girlfriend and his best friend on a wild adventure in the city.

This is pretty standard of John Hughes movies, lots of laughs, a lovable hero, a sympathetic friend, and a contemptible antagonist, played by Jeffrey Jones.

The film is a little dated, but the pacing is good. 3½ stars

Hitman (3½ stars)

A man with no name, born into a life of organized killing, tracks down the people responsible for setting him up. Based on the Eidos video game series of the same name.

As far as action adaptations go, I’d put Hitman in the same caliber class as The Bourne Identity and its sequels. The action is well choreographed, the acting and music are up to standard, the script and plot are good, but nothing special. All things considered, this film delivers exactly what you would expect from an action film, and perhaps a tiny bit more.

What do I mean by a tiny bit more? Every good film needs a good relationship, and the relationship between Agent 47 and Mika is cute, in a funny-charming sort of way, which made me smile a few times throughout the film.

Excellent action film – 3½ stars