Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Love Guru (4½ Stars)

When the Toronto Maple Leafs’ star hockey player Darren Roanoke loses his girlfriend to the French Canadian Goalie on the opposing team, their owner, Jane Bullard seeks out The Love Guru to see if he can get Roanoke and his girlfriend back together so her team can finally win the Stanley Cup, which they haven’t won in 40 years.

This is with a doubt, one of the funniest, tightest comedies of the summer. It is clear that Mike Myers and Graham Gordy put a lot of time into the script to make sure the jokes and timing were just right.

Many critics have been giving this movie a hard time, and it isn’t clear to me why, because this is very much in the same line of comedy as the Wayne’s World and Austin Powers movies. In fact, I would say it’s even better, in terms of its comedic timing, and overall originality. The film is filled to the brim with jokes – the film is almost literally exploding with humor, and if you’re Canadian, it’s even funnier. Great cast, too. Particularly enjoyable are Guru Pitka’s repartees with Ben Kingsley as the guru Tugginmypudha, and Verne Troyer (you know, that little guy from the Austin Powers movies), as Leafs Coach Punch Cherkov.

Anyway, my hat’s off to you Mike, for this excellent comedy. I laughed my ass off. My one criticism is that it was too short. (That’s what she said!) But then again, it’s not the length of your movie that matters, it’s the noises you get your audience to make with it.

Oh, and to all you no-talent hacks out there who couldn’t make it as filmmakers, so now you crap all over comedians deserving of actual careers, a message:

Stop

Undermining

Comedy

Kings!

Be

Aloof!

Laugh!

Lastly,

Shut-up!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Hairspray (4½ Stars)

In Baltimore, 1962, Tracy Turnblad A short and plump high-school girl who dreams of being a dancer on a popular song and dance show, the Corny Collins show, gets her chance when another dancer on the show rather indiscreet 9-month leave of absence. But when her dream comes true, she realizes that it’s about more than just her chance, and she joins in a revolution to get white people and black people dancing together on television.

To be honest, I haven’t seen the original 1988 version, but I was quite impressed by this one, particularly by the performance of Nikki Blonsky as the adorable, plump, and ever-positive star of the film. She seems to have literally come out of nowhere, to star in her first film, and a musical at that, and wow, can she ever dance! Christopher Walken as the practical-joker-dad, and John Travolta as the shy and reclusive mom are also very entertaining, and Elijah Kelley had some pretty sweet moves. And of course, Michelle Pfeiffer was excellent as the despicable, racist, will-do-anything-to-win villain. The songs are clever, and humorous, and the dance numbers are really well choreographed and rehearsed.

I would recommend this to everyone, but especially to overweight girls who feel inferior to all the twiggy Barbie-doll clones out there. This might inspire you. Come and see Nikki Blonsky and Queen Latifah blow those skinny bitches out of the water. Brilliant musical – 4½ Stars

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Happening (3½ Stars)

When all people in densely populated areas begin inexplicably committing suicide, a high school science teacher, tries to take his family as far from civilization as he can.

One might also refer to this movie as “stuff happening” because even at the end of the film, many of the events of the film remain unexplained, unless you consider the conjecture of various minor, and somewhat loopy characters to amount to a hogwash explanation. It’s like M. Night Shyamalan decided he wanted to do an experiment in existentialism. Or maybe he wanted it to amount to that cheeseball speech at the end of the film, as if he wanted to pretend to give a shit about the environment.

Still, as stupid as the movie gets at times, it has it’s touching moments, and I wouldn’t say it’s boring. Well, some of the dialogue is actually pretty clunky. I’d say this film is deserving of an average mark. It’s pretty bad for a Shyamalan movie though, and actually, it’s a lot like signs, minus the setups and twists. 3½ stars

The TV Set (4 Stars)

Mike Klein, a Hollywood screenwriter, is commissioned to write a pilot for a dark sitcom based on the death of his brother. The problem is that the higher-ups have a different vision, and they want to know what his masterpiece would be like “if the brother didn’t have to die,” despite that being the premise of the whole series.

This is a brilliant allegory of the crap that happens in Hollywood, (which I say, having actually worked on several sets myself), and the comedic timing is brilliant. The film contains every classic difficult personality type that you meet on the set. There’s the director, who likes to come up with ridiculous shots that look strange, and alienate the story, but of course, the director thinks he’s being artistic and clever. There’s the cinematographer, who complains about how hard it is to set up each shot, and tends to take twice as long as he needs to, ‘cause hey, he’s unionized. Then of course, there’s the actor who believes he’s getting into the moment, can never remember how he did a scene the previous time, and ad-libs in weird accents, and then denies it.

This film would be entertaining to everyone, but doubly so for writers, other industry workers, and anybody else who likes a sardonic view of the inner-working of Hollywood. 4 stars

Iron Man (4½ Stars)

Tony Stark, (or should say Tony Snark because of his snarky smart mouth), is a care-free, womanizing playboy, until he’s captured by terrorists and put to work on building them weapons of mass destruction. Tony is smart though, and builds his own weapon to destroy them and escape, and a new form of superhero is born.

The special effects are awesome, and there’s never a dull moment in this excellent rendition of one of the greatest Marvel superheroes. The film also handles its theme very well – the theme of embracing the important things in life – much better than the theme tends to be handled in most comic book based films. The dialogue from Tony Stark is great, no question. He’s sharp, entertaining, ironic, and a total jerk, but one with a heart. The best kind of hero, really.

Iron Man stands far above the rest, and I’m hoping they make more movies like this. 4½ stars.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Speed Racer (3 Stars)

Based on the classic manga/cartoon series, Speed Racer always wanted to race, and now he’s living his dream. In his Mach 5, he races his way through perilous race tracks to defend the honor of his family, defeat evil conglomerates and an organized crime syndicate, and to win. He is assisted by fellow racers Racer X, Trixie and Taejo Togokahn and supported by the rest of his family.

This movie has problems, which it pains me to say, because it was a very ambitious and elaborate attempt at reenacting an old cartoon series, and trying not to update it in any way. So as psychedelic and high-tech as it is, the film still feels old fashioned, in the speech patterns of the characters, the gender roles of the characters, and the technology. This is a stylistic choice, and I don’t think this is a problem per se. However, the film has some major plot problems, including orphans, (which is to say, payoffs in the story line without any set-up – Trixie’s sudden mad driving skills is an example of this), a plot which is generally incomprehensible and doesn’t really make sense, also the plot moves rather slowly, and the on-the-nose dialogue leaves a lot to be desired, and the film simply has too many extraneous characters. I realize the little fat kid and the monkey were kept not only for the sake of completion and authenticity, but also as comic relief, but really, they come off as more embarrassing and stupid than funny. The whole film is silly, and unfortunately, not always in a funny way. And somehow, everybody knows kung-fu, which is fine, again, because it is with the realization that the film is silly, and the choreography is good.

The visuals are also great – they’re actually quite surreal, though there’s a caveat – this film comes dangerously close to epileptic seizure territory. I jokingly faked one next to my sister while we were in the theater. Yeah, I’m jerk. 3 stars

Monday, July 21, 2008

21 (4 Stars)

Ben Campbell, a 21-year-old student with a 97% average, and as you might imagine, no life, gets recruited by a team of hustling card-counters led by their calculating, manipulative, vindictive university professor. Together, they play the Las Vegas casinos for millions at America’s most popular card game (before the Texas Hold ‘em craze presumably), 21.

You know, in pacing, style, characters, theme, and overall mood, and even plot structure, I found this movie to be a lot like The Girl Next Door. It’s almost like the two movies are cut from the same mould. All you need to do is substitute porn with gambling, replace Elisha Cuthbert with Kate Bosworth as the hot trophy girl, replace Timothy Olyphant with Kevin Spacey as the charming but psychopathically self-serving antagonist, replace Chris Marquette and Paul Dano with Josh Gad and Sam Golzari as the two unpopular, but true friends, and replace James Remar with Laurence Fishburne as the intervening, powerful character. Presto! You’ve got a whole new movie with the exact same formula – not that this is necessarily a complaint for I am actually very fond of the plot structure used in The Girl Next Door, and that doesn’t mean 21 can’t still be an original story. But Elisha Cuthbert is undeniably hotter. At least for me. (Swoon!)

Well worth watching: 4 stars

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (4 Stars)

The KGB are after a crystal skull which seems to grant psychic abilities to its user. Indiana Jones is in a race against them for the skull before they can use it to control the world, in an adventure that will take him to the lost city of El Dorado and reunite him with his long lost, but greatest love, Marion Ravenwood, and it seems she has a little surprise for him.

It’s about friggin’ time they made another Indiana Jones movie! Why did George Lucas wait this long? Look at what has become of our beloved archeological hero! He’s practically a fossil now himself!

Actually, I quite like the idea of giving Indiana Jones an adventure much later in life, and frankly, I think this was the old-timer’s most action packed adventure yet, complete with Indy being the sole survivor of a nuclear blast! How cool is that? Though, for an educated man, I’m disgusted that he says “nukular.” Come on, Indy! You’re a PhD, for Mayan’s sake, and you can’t say nuclear!

There’s still time, George! There’s still time! Please make another Indiana Jones movie! Please, please, please!

As excited as I am about this long-awaited epic, realistically, I don’t think I can give it higher than a 4. It’s maybe as good as its predecessors, maybe a little better. The action is top-notch, and the banter between the main characters is a combination of sweet and humorous.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Bank Job (3½ Stars)

In the 1970s, a group of small time outlaws find are given the opportunity to full the biggest heist of a lifetime, and one that involves no guns. What they don’t realize is that they’re unwittingly working for MI5 (or is it MI6? I can never keep them straight, and neither can the folks in this film), and they wind up caught in a crossfire between the law, and major criminal organizations, in one of the biggest police corruption takedowns in British history.

Jason Statham is awesome as the leading man, as usual. The action, pacing, dialogue, acting and cinematography are all very good. I found myself feeling for several of the main characters, and there’s never a dull moment in the film. Supposedly, this is the first time the whole story was released to the public, (due to a gag order), but it contains a great deal of omissions and fictional additions, as is the nature of the movie biz. Honestly, the truth usually takes longer has considerably less sex in it.

Anyway, I wouldn’t say this movie is fantastically original, but is a very good view, and a well written film, worthy of my respect and deserving of at least an average mark. If you like true crime movie or heist movies, you’ll love this.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (4 Stars)

When Peter Brettel’s TV superstar girlfriend, Sarah Marshall, dumps him, all he can do is obsess, so he decides he needs a vacation. Unfortunately, due to his lack of imagination, he chooses to go the resort she had always talked about, and lo and behold, there she is, with her new rock star boyfriend.

The film is hilarious, and comes complete with an adorable subplot involving the main character’s pet project – a musical puppet show involving Dracula and Van Helsing.

I think this is one of the tightest romantic comedies of the year, and what I personally admire about this film is that even though, structurally speaking, Sarah Marshall is the antagonist, there are no real villains in the film. In a very touching speech by Sarah Marshall during the film (which she performed brilliantly), we see that he is own antagonist, as is she hers. This speech, which I won’t get into, because I think you should all see the film, struck a chord with me. All the characters in this film, much like most of us in life, are all prisoners to trappings which are largely our own. I liked that. I liked that the film didn’t villainize her, even though, and again, I won’t get into it, she does some really horrible shit to our hero.

I know, I know, I keep giving out 4 stars to movies, and this is just a romantic comedy, but I think it’s the best damn romantic comedy of the year, because though its marketed as a comedy, it functions at more levels than that. Honestly, it’s worth seeing for the cute little puppet show alone.

The Darwin Awards (3½ Stars)

Michael Burrows, a hemophobic criminal profiler loses his job when his disability allows a serial killer to escape his grasp. So he takes his top-notch skills to an insurance company, where he claims he can profile high-risk people who cost the company millions of dollars a year. He is put into a probationary role with a partner investigating a series of bizarre insurance claims.

This is a hysterically funny film, which stems from a relatively simple premise. The film takes the best stories from the Darwin Awards and incorporates them into the plot, including an army surplus rocket powered car, a lawyer throwing himself through his own window, and a pair of stoned metal-heads crashing a Metallica concert. Literally. It’s like the X-files, but with insurance claims. I think that’s the easiest way to summarize it. That being said, this movie isn’t necessarily terribly clever, or original, but it is a decisively funny combination of elements that haven’t been mixed before.

The Proposition (4 Stars)

A police captain who desperately wants to track down a ruthless killer offers a proposition to the killer’s outlaw brother. The deal is, that if he tracks down and turns in his eldest brother, a feared murderer and rapist living with a band of outlaws in a cave, he and their youngest brother will receive full pardons.

The Proposition is very much a period piece, with an almost hypnotic soundtrack, focusing on the struggle and sheer hopelessness of taming 19th century Australia, with vicious, murderous psychopaths living out in the shadows of the wilderness, far beyond the capacities of the meager means of law men of the time to intercept them.

While I was watching this film, I was unsure for awhile as to whether it was about werewolves, or whether the werewolf was merely a metaphor used by some of the characters.

Ray Winstone and Emily Watson have great chemistry together in this film, and their marriage is one of the only beautiful things in what is otherwise a wasteland of cruelty and desperation. John Hurt plays a small, but fantastic role as a bounty hunter, and Richard Wilson, playing the youngest of the three brothers, gives and excellent performance.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Smart People (3 Stars)

Professor Wetherhold has spent his life ridiculing his students and dangling his obscure knowledge, which he mistakes for intellect above them, rather than doing his job and actually teaching them. Years later, he tries to date a doctor, who had earlier dropped out of his class, after he crapped all over her paper. His son hates him, and his daughter seems to have picked up all of his nasty, elitist, misanthropic habits. A move-in by his ne’er-do-well brother may be just the thing he needs to set things right with his family. Or maybe he just needs a good smack upside his head.

Smart People might have more accurately been called "Stupid Miserable Nerds Who Think They're Better than Other People Because of Stupid, Obscure, Arcane Words that They Know.”

Did I miss something here? I don’t even know how to classify this film. It’s not really funny enough to be a comedy, and it’s too stupid to be a drama. There’s an awkward kind of writing going on in this film – the kind of writing you tend to see in creative writing classes where students try to write characters that are more intelligent than themselves. One of the basic tenets of writing is to write what you know, and I got the distinct impression that the writer didn’t really understand his own material.

Not a ...(read more) terrific movie, but not terrible either. It’s a little awkward, but the story is fine, and the acting is good. The story isn’t very clever or original, so I was a bit disappointed, but then again, what the heck was I expecting? Apparently more. You know what I was expecting? Wit. The title and marketing of the film, and particularly having intellectuals as the main characters, particularly in a comedy, would suggest the film would have wit, which the film sorely lacks. 3 stars

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

WALL•E (4½ Stars)

In the year 2800, Earth is a desolate wasteland, completely incapable of sustaining life. Even the robots have broken down and died, with the exception of one lone garbage compacting robot named WALL•E. When a reconnaissance ship drops off an exotic robot with a mysterious directive, WALL•E is drawn into a strange intergalactic setting where the fate and future of the entire world lie in his robot hands.

This is a very cute story with a rather poignant and heavy-handed ecological message. The fate of humans in this particular dystopic depiction is bleak, and frankly, a little disgusting, turning us all into lazy endomorphs who can’t even get up off the ground, and never look away from our computer screens. Somehow, they still manage to make all the human characters cute and charming. The story is a little tragic, but beautiful, and quite funny in parts. The visuals, music and voice are fantastic. 4½ stars

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple (4 Stars)

In the 1960s and 70s, a charismatic, evangelical, visionary preacher named Jim Jones built a huge interracial following, people who wanted to live together in harmony and free of prejudice, and founded a community in Guyana for them all to live in autonomy and peace, called Jonestown. In 1978, he forced them all (909 of them) into the largest mass suicide in almost 2000 years.

The pacing of this documentary is excellent; it gives you a feel of the mounting pressure on all the temple members as the final days approached. You get a sense of Jones’ gradual descent into madness, and his ruthless and psychotic, if not ingenious control he had over the lives of all these people. Those who saw the signs early enough, lived to tell the story, and the few survivors of the massacre give their account of it as well, having the experience of holding a dying person in their arms, and knowing they’re next. Very powerful stuff.

The film isn’t just interviews either. The filmmakers actually got their hands on a lot of archive footage as well. This isn’t for the faint of heart, but definitely worth watching once, for its lesson in what happens when you let one man take too much control of your life.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (3½ stars)

In a time long forgotten, a goblin smith built an army of indestructible golden soldiers to help the elves defeat the humans. The elf king saw how ruthless and evil this power was, so he had it divided into three pieces. Now the prince wants to reassemble them, to rid the world of humans once and for all.

I have mixed feeling about this movie. On one hand, the golden army itself is extremely cool, and I love the introduction of Johann Krauss. He’s easily my favorite character, and a great addition to the cast of what will hopefully be a thriving series of films. I particularly enjoyed the locker scene where he and Hellboy duke it out to see who can take who. The film also has a number of humorous moments, including a cute scene where Hellboy and Abe Sapien get really drunk. On the other, I felt the script had a few problems.

First of all, the dialogue was a little too on-the-nose, even for a comic book movie. I get the sense that this was, in part, due to the vast amount of story they were trying to cram into the space of a two hour movie.

Second, the story had some problems, which, as a story teller myself, I simply cannot let slide. Warning: skip the rest of this paragraph if you haven’t seen the film and do no want the plot spoiled from you. Still here? Okay… When the prince throws the little jellybean creature, they all just stand there and wait for it to find water and turn into a tree elemental. Why doesn’t Hellboy just stomp on it? If the crown that controls the golden army can only be used if the ruler is unchallenged, why doesn’t his sister just challenge him? That way, neither of them has to die, because they can’t kill one another. It’d be a stalemante. Then she wouldn’t have to die. And Jesus Christ, how did Lizzie know that when she melted the crown that the golden army wouldn’t simply run rampant and destroy the world? That could easily be handled by a simple establishing line earlier in the film. And for the love of God, if she could melt it down at the end of the film, why didn’t she just demolish it when she first met the princess? The princess clearly didn’t want the crown getting completed either. They could’ve done it together, as a sort of female bonding thing, and then maybe go on a double date with Hellboy and Abe. These are the sorts of obvious outs that, when ignored, I find a little frustrating, but I digress.

There was one scene in this movie that was so touching, that I actually caught one of my female friends crying in the theater. If you’re reading this, you know who you are.

Overall I’d say it’s still worth watching, whether you’re a fan of the comic, or just looking for a good family-friendly action movie.

3½ stars

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (4 stars)

The rift between universes, that was opened by the events in the first movie, reveals a charming tentacle creature, Yivo, who begins systematically taking control of all life in the universe.

This one didn’t have as gripping a story as the first movie, but I’d say the quality of the story and comedy are in par with the TV series, which is top-notch anyway.

Particularly cool concepts introduced in this installment of the series are a sport called Deathball, the League of Robots and a special guest appearance by Stephen Hawking, or at least his head.

Futurama: Bender’s Big Score (4½ stars)

A group of disgusting internet scammers take control of Planet Express. When the key to time travel is discovered in an extremely unlikely, and somewhat humiliating place, the scammers use it to take over the world. Fry uses the time code to escape through time and find a way to stop the scammers.

A great parody of a number of great time travel films including the Terminator, but also a terrific story in its own right. I particularly love the concept of self-correcting, paradox-free time travel.

I think this is a stellar start to what will hopefully be a 4 brilliant, full-length epic movie adventures starring all our favorite characters from the hit TV series. 4½ stars

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Journey to the Center of the Earth (4½ Stars)

Ten years after Professor Trevor Anderson’s brother disappeared, his lab is about to be shut down, meaning his and his brother’s life’s work would be in vain. When Trevor’s nephew, Sean, comes to visit with a few of his father’s old things, the two of them discover the missing piece to his work, and it leads them into an exotic underworld filled with dinosaurs, floating magnetic rocks, underground oceans, glowing birds, and an attractive and charming Icelandic guide named Hannah.

This is the first digital 3D movie ever, and what better story to tell than Jules Verne’s classic tale, Journey to the Center of the Earth? The film is masterfully done. The story is thrilling, the characters are lovable, the acting and writing are top-notch, and the story as a whole is a great modern revamp of an old classic. If you get a chance, see this in 3D. The cinematography and scenery, which is already spectacular, will simply blow you away.

I’m giving this film 4½ stars for its overall excellence.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Wanted (4½ stars)

Wesley Gibson, probably the most insignificant person on the planet, has a job he hates, a petty boss, a noisy, crappy little apartment by the railway, and “best friend” who’s fucking his girlfriend, and he’s too angst-ridden and apathetic to do anything about it. This all changes when assassins show up and begin fighting over him. He then undergoes a transformation into a highly skilled assassin, including skills such as slowing down time and bending bullets. Based on the comic book series of the same name.

When I went to see this movie, I didn’t expect much. I expected to see some decent action scenes, but what I got was a compelling story, a witty main character, and some fantastic action sequences. I believe my friend put it best when he said the film was filled with “inexplicable awesomeness,” much like Timur Bekmambetov’s predecessor films, Night Watch and Day Watch, which are in Russian, but if you get the chance, I strongly recommend those as well. They are the perfect balance of action, comedy and ridiculousness.

Most of the things in this movie are, of course, completely impossible. A human being cannot jump 100 meters through the air, from one building to another, I don’t care how much of a running start he gets. You can’t bend bullets, and you particularly cannot do a particular shot Angelina Jolie takes toward the end of the movie. I won’t say what she does, but it blows my mind. It’s awesome, and impossible. But that’s what you see these movies for. If you’re one of those people who complains about realism, go join the army and drag your ass to Iraq. Real violence isn’t fun.

4½ stars – because I have the urge to watch it again. For me, this is very rare with an action film.