10 Dorky Films I Can’t Wait to See

Okay, so for today’s entry, something nice and easy. There a great number of films coming out that are all going to be really bad. But guess what? I’m going to enjoy them anyway, unless the scripts are really so bad that I find myself asking the question, “Why do those guys get to be paid two hundred grand to write this. I could write better. Where’ my obscene amount of money for a month or so of real work?”

1. G.I. Joe – Part of the problem with G.I. Joe is they’ve got almost as many villains as heroes, which would be so problematic if it weren’t for the ridiculous amount of heroes they have. The same could be said of the X-Men movies and the like, or say, Street Fighter (1994), which didn’t even make any sense, because they (and by “they,” I mean that hack Steven E. de Souza), spent far too much energy making sure they layered in as many characters as possible, plot be damned.
2. Death Race – Sad as it is to admit, if I find out Jason Statham’s in something, I automatically want to see it. I think he’s the epitome of cool. This can backfire of course, with titles like War, a film which is an offense to every aspect of cinema. (You can read more about why I hate that particular film in my Film Review Blog. Recently, my good friend Ema introduced me to the original Death Race 2000, (which I also reviewed in my blog), and I’m very excited to see how they do the remake. From what I’ve read, it already sounds like they’ve worked out a much better plot and protagonist, but maintained the essence of the story and theme from the original.
3. Tropic Thunder – Now here’s a thought. A parody of the war movie. I’ve wanted to see one for a long time, I just didn’t realize it. Particularly noteworthy is the fact that one of the main characters is in blackface, something no real movie has dared to try in some thirty or forty years. Unless you count White Chicks. And I do. So never mind.
4. Arrested Development – This was an awesome show while it lasted, and I’m keen to see how nicely they can tie the whole thing up in one final shebang.
5. Noah's Ark: The New Beginning – Who doesn’t love a good parody of a classic bible story?
6. The Brazilian Job – Despite the fact that this is a sequel to a remake of a film that was fairly unintelligent to begin with, and despite its unfortunate name, I can’t wait to see the BJ. The dynamic between the characters in The Italian Job, particularly Handsome Rob and Lyle (the Napster) was enough to get me hooked on the sequel. Actually, as stated earlier, Statham’s presence is enough.
7. Crank 2: High Voltage – Okay, this is the last Statham movie I’m going to list, I swear. But here’s what I love about Crank – You’ve got a hero who, not only should be dead by the end of the first film, but you wonder how he’s alive at all, because Chev Chelios has to be one of the dumbest protagonists ever to grace the screen, which is very difficult to do with a character, and still have him be this likable.
8. Iron Man – ‘Nuff said.
9. Get Smart – How many of you remember watching this as a kid? I used to watch it all the time in the 80’s, when I was clearly not old enough to understand a fair amount of the humor, but I enjoyed it for its slapstick elements, silly plots, and cleaver wordplays anyway. Another thing I enjoyed about the show is that it was one my dad had watched when he was a child, so it all came full circle, and we both had a show we loved to talk about. Of course, we also had the Disney cartoons. And Looney Tunes. You get the idea. Fun shows are always more fun when shared.
10. The Dark Knight – Now, maybe it’s all a little over-hyped, but I’m keen to see the late Heath Ledger’s portrayal of The Joker, which is apparently so frightening it might send Jack Nicholson running for the hills, or the circus, or something like that. Anyway, it’s the most prolific performance of an actor’s final role in clown face before dying mysteriously since Brandon Lee. And I’m sure it won’t be the last. I wonder who’ll be next. My money’s on Jack Black. Of course, they say you should always bet on black.