Decoys (½ star)

Sexy female aliens invade a Canadian university in an attempt to procreate or their race is doomed. Unfortunately, the men they sleep with seem to die before they can properly impregnate them.

Decoys (2004) might just be the worst film of all time, and has likely stunted the careers of everyone involved by a decade or two. The actors, who really did try their best, could not save this stink-o script, nor could the special effects.

There is a backstory between a female cop, and the main character who had slept with her some years before. He’s supposed to be seventeen when the film is set. How creepy is that? And it adds nothing to the plot, it has nothing to do with the plot. It’s just filler crap.

The film’s attempt at one-liners, (like “baby got backup”), made me want to barf all over my popcorn, and then still eat it to keep my mind of the gag-inducing dialogue.

Some people defend this movie by saying it has scantily clad hotties in it. Guess what? So does most porn, which has more boobs, and is better written, even when they’re adlibbing, and one or both of them are retarded.

When you see a horror film and the only thing...(read more) that makes you cringe is the dialogue, you're watching a half-star film.

There is a sequel to this film, and I can only imagine it gets better. You’d have to be some kind of genius to make a film worse than this.

½ a star, and a deep sense of condolences for the actors, particularly Richard Burgi.